Turn The Channel

The day has come when I can say that ESPN has become too big for its own good. It has turned into a channel more concerned with trends and flash than sports. It has become the MTV of the sports world. MTV used to show music videos all the time with an occasional show like Beavis and Butt-Head. Now I don't even know when MTV shows videos because every time I turn it on, there is some sort of garbage TV show on. This is exactly what has happened to ESPN. It has gone away from sports, and it is now caught up with its own original programming. Here is a list of just some of things that bother me with the "world-wide leader in sports:"

The Laaazy Eye

• Stuart Scott: This man has changed the landscape of Sportscenter for the worst. He is more concerned with himself than the highlights he is showing. Also, there is no need for the jive talk that he spews from his mouth. We don't care if you can rap, and we don't care how cool you are. Another thing, his discolored lazy eye is quite distracting. It is a nuisance for everyone watching. Here is a clip of Scott doing a Snoop Dogg impersonation. Click it if you can handle it. http://czabe.com/podcasts/espn_stuscott_snoopdog.mp3. BOO-YEAH!
• Stephen A. Smith: Here is a guy who thinks that the louder he can talk means the more people will believe him. I think he is trying to cover up the fact that he does not know what he is talking about half of the time. He insults everybody that tries to debate him, and he believes that his opinion is the end all. I knew to stop listening to him when I heard him analyzing last year's playoff game between the Jets and Chargers. The Chargers missed a field goal that would have won the game, and the next day Smith cried out that he did not understand why they did not kick it on a third down so that they would have another chance if he missed it. I know football is not your thing, but if you miss the kick on third down, that is it. You don't get another chance. Minor detail, Stephen, minor detail.
• Michael Irvin: I don't know what is louder, his voice or his suits. Irvin is the loud mouth analyst on Sunday NFL Countdown and Monday Night Countdown. He is often seen cracking up on the show, and he grabs the guys next to him while he is laughing. He also seems to have a problem putting his professional life ahead of his personal life as was evident during the TO saga. None of this has anything to do with his most recent debacle which involved Irvin being arrested for possession of a crack pipe. He claimed it belonged to a friend of his who needed help. Sure, Michael, whatever puts your mind at ease.
• Around the Horn: This show started out pretty well with columnists nationwide debating sports. Unfortunately, it has turned into 30 minutes of face time for the likes of Jay Mariotti and Woody Paige. These two ham it up for the camera worse than anyone of memory. The show would be better if it were left upto guys who actually make valid points like Michael Smith and JA Adande, but most of it revolves around Mariotti and Paige yelling at each other. It doesn't help matters that the host is some no-name boring kid named Tony Reali.
• Cold Pizza: This show stunk from its inception. They have tinkered with the format to try and make it more appealing, but in the end its nothing more than a C level TV show. Jay Crawford, Dana Jacobsen, Skip Bayless, and Woody Paige make me want to puke every time I see this show.
• Joe Thiesmann and the Sunday Night NFL Crew: I used to be a big fan of this crew, but after listening to them this year I am convinced that they put no research into the games that they do, and that Joe Thiesmann is in love with himself more than anyone else in the universe. Also, is there a player in the league that they don't love?
• Budweiser Hot Seat, Coors Light Six Pack, etc....: ESPN is convinced that people enjoy these segments sponsored by corporations. I'm sorry, but these segments bring nothing to the table, NOTHING!
• ESPN Movies: "All I want to do is race daddy." "I'll show you how good I am." "I don't care what the last coach promised you. We're gonna work now." Do I need to say anything else.
• EOE: This stands for ESPN Original Entertainment if anyone cares. The shows they put out stink. PTI is the only one worth watching, while shows like Teammates, Stump the Schwab, and I'd Do Anything are horrible. Please just give me NFL Films highlights or old NBA games, please.
• Fake Press Conferences: Recently Sportscenter ran a series of fake press conferences featuring former Mets' GM Steve Phillips. I don't think that I have ever seen anything so dumb. They even had "members of the press" like Karl Ravech and others asking Phillips staged questions. I mean what a waste of time, but then again you could watch,
• Streetball and the And-1 Mix Tour: I'm not sure how this is classified as being a sport. It is a bunch of guys running around playing "street" basketball where apparently no rules apply. It is also a stage for players who could never cut it at any organized level to make idiots of themselves. And people wonder what is wrong with basketball today.
• The Trifecta: They have taken some of their best shows and condensed them into 20 minute segments so that they can fit three shows into 1 hour. I will take Baseball Tonight, Outside the Lines, and NFL Live anyday of the week over some of the other garbage on ESPN. I think that they shortened all of these shows just to make me mad.
• ESPN.com--Insider: This started out just affecting real in depth analysis and extras on their website. Now it includes just about everything worth reading on it. It also means that you cannot access archived articles without paying money to do it. Come on ESPN, there is no way that you're running short on cash. There is no reason to make people pay money to see who has the edge between the Denver O-Line and the Pittsburgh D-Line.
• Dan Patrick's Ego: Yes I am going after the legend. Patrick used to be the best in the business at what he did, but now he hosts Sportscenter in an editorial way that shows Patrick's opinions too often. Patrick is not there to give us opinions or to stir the pot with the people he interviews. He is there to report the scores and gives us the highlights. He seems too pre-occupied with his image and persona to remember what his job is supposed to be.
• Not Enough Kenny Mayne: Mayne may be a goofball, but he was often the funniest guy on Sportscenter because he did it without trying to be too serious about it. He did not care if he sounded stupid, and he didn't try to make calling highlights a rap song. He was just good at what he did. Now he is relegated to 4 minutes every Sunday for his Mayne Event on Sunday NFL Countdown. Oh, and he does dance with the stars on occasion.
• Ombudsman: ESPN.com hired an ombudsman to critique their work. I have read what he has to say, and it is fair to say that he is not nearly harsh enough on the company he is covering. It is just more wasted space on the website.
• Sean Salisbury: Salisbury is ten times better this year than last, but he still comes across as being arrogant and smug too often. His segments with John Clayton are uncomfortable to watch, and his analysis is often nothing more than pointing out the obvious. He can certainly get better, but he still bugs me right now.
• Where's the Stats?: Sportscenter used to show a full screen of stats after every highlight. Now the best that they can do might be two or three names at the bottom of the screen. Is it really necessary to condense the reason people watch the show. I would like to know how certain players do every night, and when they don't make the top two or three names, I have to go to the internet to find out.
• X Games: I know there is an audience for this, but really, who cares?
• Jaws, Hodge, Mort, and Schlereth: ESPN's football coverage would be ten times better with more Jaworski, Merrill Hodge, Chris Mortenson, and Mark Schlereth. These guys do the best jobs of breaking things down and of telling me something that I would not have noticed on my own. ESPN under utilizes these guys, and as a result I'm stuck listening to Salisbury and Irvin.
• Lou Holtz: I like their coverage of college football, but for some reason this year they felt compelled to bring in the biggest crook in the biz, Lou Holtz. He remind me of a leprechaun up there the way that he is always smiling and talking in his goofy voice. Deep down I know that he is upto no good.
• I Love NFL Song: Every Sunday we are presented with this no talent hack who sings his Coors Light song to go along with the NFL highlights of the week. "I Love typecast musicians and....twiiiiiins!"

Would you trust this man?

ESPN has revolutionized the sports entertainment world as we know it. It seems to be for the worse though because with no real competition ESPN can do whatever they want with no consequences. Hopefully we will get more substance and less flair in the future.